I don’t want to watch a team whose goalie wears diamond earrings and drives a Hummer. Give me a break!

Now what? I guess I could choose another team to root for, one more worthy of my affections. But unless they were the Toronto Maple Leafs – which is unlikely, as the Maple Leafs are even lazier and more overpaid – it would be hard to find their games on the telly.

I need a new enthusiasm. But what could it be?

I’m open to suggestions.