True, the Senators are doing really well. Tonight it’s game 5 of the series against the New Jersey Devils, which the Sens are leading 3-1. If they win tonight they will send the Devils packing and move on to the conference final.

It’s tempting to think that they can’t lose, they’re a better team than the Devils, they’re on a roll, blah-blah. But experience teaches that the Senators tend to lose this kind of game. I don’t think I can watch it.

Maybe I’ll watch a movie instead. Now and then I could flip over to the game, and if the score says it’s safe, I might watch for a little while. I could watch with my hands over my eyes.

Why is it so hard to watch these games? Have the Senators come to represent some part of my own psyche? Some fragile, vulnerable part that has a will to fail? That doesn’t come through when the chips are down? That drives a Hummer and gets into a fender-bender on the Queensway and misses its flight to New Jersey? (That was Ray Emery. Please Ray, lose the Hummer, it’s embarrassing.)

Some people point out that there is no reason to be loyal to a bunch of millionaire mercenaries who don’t feel any loyalty to the team or the city. They’re just as likely to chase the money to the highest bidder, like Chara and Havlat did. How true!

Whenever one of those guys plays badly, as all of them will from time to time, I always think they might give back some of the money. Like, when Wade Redden gives the puck away in his own zone, what if he gave back some of his salary? Maybe he’d grab a microphone and humbly apologize for taking the 5 million in the first place. “Heck,” he’d say. “You’d have to be a perfect player to deserve that kind of money. Nobody’s perfect! Here’s $100,000 back.” But it will never happen. Hockey players have no sense of irony. They think they deserve the money.

Oh, it’s starting. How dull our anthem always sounds, compared to the rocket’s red glare. I think I’ll watch… um… some movie… oh, maybe I’ll stay with hockey for a bit. Talk to you later!

New Jersey is coming on strong. Oh no, penalty to Ottawa.