We’re having a big snow storm today in Ottawa. This is the scene from my front porch this morning. Some people seem to think there’s something weird about carrying an umbrella when it’s snowing, but I think umbrellas work pretty well for keeping the snow off your face and head. They’d probably prevent snow-blindness too, although snow-blindness isn’t usually a problem in Ottawa. The problem this guy’s having is with the wind.

I sensibly decided to work at home today. Look at all that work on my computer!

This other computer has just downloaded last week’s episode of Survivor, which I missed. I’m not going to watch it today, I promise. Too much work to do.

Yes it’s true, I still watch Survivor. I like how they keep trying little sociology experiements with it, such as last year when they divided the teams up by race – White, Hispanic, Asian, and Black. It was provocative and interesting while it lasted, although it wasn’t long before they chickened out and mixed the teams together. This year there are just two teams, one of which has been given everything – fire, a beautiful shelter, lots of food – while the other team hasn’t been given anything. Recently the have-nots managed to make fire by focusing the sun’s rays through a pair of eyeglasses, so now they’re able to boil water for drinking. Previously they were licking palm leaves for water. I don’t know what they’ve been eating. Maybe coconuts.

So what do you think? Do the fat-cat Romans win the battle for survival, or is it the lean and hungry Visigoths? We know what happened here on earth, but it took a few centuries. In Survivor the fat cats have won every contest and immunity challenge to date, although it must be said they’re getting a bit arrogant and slothful. Like Rome.

Now I’m having lunch. Look at the scene outside!

I’m having popcorn. Popcorn is my latest weight-loss secret. Here’s how I see it: The Canada Food Guide wants you to eat several servings of whole grains per day. This 1/3 cup of unpopped popcorn must be at least a couple of servings.

Once you have popped this tiny bit of whole grains you end up with a large bowl of tasty, filling snack food.

I got my popper from St.Vincent de Paul in Hintonburg. They had a bunch of them when I was there. Seven bucks.

To make my bowl of expanded whole grains a little tastier, without pouring on butter and salt, I spray it with this stuff. I don’t think it does me any harm, it’s just canola oil and a few harmless buttery-tasting chemicals.

Then I sprinkle a bit of this on it. Yum!

Now it’s back to work, hi-ho! So don’t forget, if you’re lost in the barrens or trying to survive on a Fijian island, always carry an umbrella to prevent snow-blindness. Wear glasses so you can make fire. And eat plenty of popcorn.